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Sunday, 19 October 2014

Show Not Tell

Room 5 are working on making our writing more interesting. We are taking a boring sentence and making it come alive by showing not telling the highlighted words.

WALT show not tell in our writing


She was happy and excited when she went for a swim on the hot sunny day with her best friend.


How do we feel, look like, and what do we do when we are happy and excited? (SHOW)


How can we SHOW she went for a swim?


How can we SHOW the hot sunny day?


How can we SHOW a best friend?


WILF
I will begin by describing what the characters body felt like.
I will describe what has happened using my senses.
I will describe what they were thinking
I will leave the audience hanging


REMEMBER TO
·                     Write in the third person

·                     Use capital letters and full stops.

15 comments:

  1. Heart thumping, eyes bulgy, feet burning, rash appearing. She did secret handshake with a girl from school. Their feet sank into little grains of sand just thinking if it was quick sand. They crashed into the waves sliding up the soft golden sand. The brightness got stronger, some sort of water forming on her face, no white in the sky just blue. They wondered if there would be white in the sky…


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  2. Her mouth was wide open and she was dancing around like a crazy person. She lept into the crashing waves and slowly started to stroke forward. She got out of the water, the sun was out and she started to sweat, the soft, golden sand felt boiling hot under her feet. She ran up to her friend and both their hands slapped together. They lay on their towels and sunbathed, their skin looked like it was getting sunburned so they both ran to the water as fast as they could, the waves felt cool and relaxing. Then they both bought some nice, cool ice-cream, they both bought chocolate. Her friend dived back into the big, blue waves the waves started to grow bigger and she had a huge smile on her face. Then she saw a big, grey spike sticking out of the water, she tried to imagine what it might be, she only had one chance, they had to act now or suffer the consequences…

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  3. She had shiny new clothing bright and sparkling shoes.
    Her hair was long purple and black silk and thin.
    Her face was as soft as a baby’s skin.
    She had a dimple on her left cheek.
    She was 20 years old, but up close she looked 15.
    She felt amused and happy and good about herself.
    She had peach skin color.
    She had a voice like a famous person.

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  4. Not a single cloud in the bright blue sky. Racing across the hot burning sand. Standing still like a statue, slowly looking down with our mouths wide open ready. We dived in the cold huge waves zooming towards us. We swam fast. We swam slow. We held our breath longer and longer. Splash, splash, splash, “hey OH Im gonna get you”. A huge laugh blurted out of our mouths with a scream in the background. She turns as fast as she can. She dives while the giant waves crash on top of her. “ Sea weed…. Really.” “Kai’s ready” yelled a squeaking voice over the booming waves. We ran and ran as fast as we could to get there first. We were wondering what we were going to have….

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  5. He was jumping up and down, when he saw his friend he knew straight away that his best friend was going to take them for a swim. His best friend waved to him on a hot burny day at the warm, golden beach. As he was running into the warm water he realized that a black and gray fin, gliding through the water coming towards him.
    His mouth was wide open but nothing was coming out…….

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  6. She had a Large smile on her face it was big and it was large,my friend and I went swimming after lunch so me and my best friend got sum kai after that, it was steaming and boiling hot. when she got there it was hot and when ,when my friend jumped up in the pool, she done a massive splash.

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  7. When he went to the beach. He went fishing with his friends. He went diving and saw a stingray and a hammer shark. He got some kiners,clams and cort a big long snapper. And went back to shore for a swim in the deep water and went back for fish and chips.

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  8. He is happy because he is at the beach and he is excited because it is fun and he is swim at the beach and he is happy because it is a hot sunny day and he is a his best friend and he is so fun.

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  9. She had a big smile to go to the beach The hot hot sun was blazing hot splash that was cold. She was looking for a crabs ouch ouch that was saw and she said to her ‘mum. It was fun at the beach’.

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  12. One day she went out to the long wide sea with tons of sand. The she went to hang out with her best buddy. So they went down the road and went to the long wide beach on boiling hot like luver shining down on you. When they were at the bay of beach they laid their towels down and had a little relax. They went to have a swim because it went boiling on the hot burning sand that’s why they went for a swim. When she went in the water the steam just blew up and when her buddy went in there her hands was still burning and when they put them in they said both together they said hey what should we do if we are steaming hot.

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  13. W. A.L.T Show don’t tell

    She was happy and excited that she was going and have a swim with her best friend and it was so so so hot.

    She was happy that she was going to the pools and she was with a friend and her friends mum and dad and they had a holidays off school and then they were having a BBQ at the beach. then she was so so so so so excited that her mum had a baby and her dad was fixing her go cart.

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  14. He had a huge smile on his face. Jumping up and down. Laying before him was dark blue waves. Putting one foot in front of the other. The waves pounding on me. Paddling back to the soft boiling sand covering myself with it jumping up and running back to the waves.Sinking into the dark shining sand pulling my feet out. Jumping out into the shining waves. Seeing the sand flying through the air - bam it hit my face saying I am going to get you back. Just thinking what the rest of the day was going to be like...

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  15. A smile appeared on her face. Her heart was pumping as fast as flash. She could hear the crashing waves. She felt the cold water it was like snow. She heard someone running towards her. They did their secret handshake. They both dived in the cold unknown. She was imagining having an ice cream….

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